The Ball™

Because The Cloud is so 2012.

The World's First Write-Only Datastore.

Install from NPM

$ npm install the-ball

How about a demo?

# Shell script:
ball write "INSERT ('Hello, world') INTO Ball"
>> wow write success

# Here's a sneak peek of some of our future language bindings:

# Python:
def write_to_ball(query):
write_to_ball("INSERT ('Hello, world') INTO BALL")

// Java:
using TheBall.orbdm.QueryHelper.QueryFactory;
public class TheBallQuerySubmitter(QueryFactor) {
  public static override void getQuery() {
    return "Insert ('Hello, world') INTO BALL";
TheBallQuerySubmitter submitter = new TheBallQuerySubmitter();
submitter.execute(); // does nothing

ssh Dogescript: [NOTE: the Dogescript bindings are fastest, since the underlying framework is implemented in Dogescript. Use Dogescript whenever performance is a priority.]
so ball
such do much query
plz ball.insert(query)
plz do with "INSERT ('wow world') INTO BALL"

# PHP:
$query = "INSERT ('Hello, world') INTO BALL";
$query = stressql_completely_legit_escape_string_for_real_this_time_guys($query);
stressql_query($query) or die(__halt_compiler());


How we stack up against the competition

Cross-platform Maximum capacity Web-scale
MongoDB Windows/Unix Limited by hard-drive space Probably
MySQL Windows/Unix Limited by hard-drive space and sharding ability Debatable
/dev/null Unix only Virtually unlimited Yes
The Ball™ Virtually any conceivable platform Unlimited, in theory and in practice Undoubtedly


As a proprietor of a "small business," we're required by law to keep certain important documentation, that, if it were to fall into the wrong hands, would certainly cause a load of trouble. Rather than trusting an insecure database like MongoDB or MySQL, and risk someone actually being able to read our data, we've embraced The Ball™ for all our "accountability" needs. Plus, when was the last time you tried to throw an Oracle database out the window of a moving car?
Vinny Fogliano, Fogliano's Fine Wines and Security Services
Fork on Github